Silent Orphanages

From my Established in Grace blog post.
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This is a heavy post for me.  It is heavy because of the reality of it.  Because of the silent suffering that is going on for more children than we care to admit.  And this is just one area of suffering for children.  There are so many other areas it makes me sick.  Physically sick and emotionally drained.

And it can all seem so far away and so far removed.  Until it is your child.  Your daughter.  Our little girl.

Silence comes to a baby no by natural means.  Babies cry.  They cry to express their needs.  And a loving adult hears those cries and comes to them.  In an orphanage this is not always the case. Babies are overwhelmingly outnumbering their caregivers. So the children cry. Because that's what babies do.  But eventually they learn that when they cry, no one will meet their needs.  So they stop crying.  There is silence.  Roaring, deafening silence.

I asked some of the members of an adoption group I am a part of to give me some first hand experiences of this.  Here is some of what they shared:

• I have walked into one in Brazil and if I hadn't seen the babies all laying in cribs I would have assumed it was an empty room of cribs. I had to look at each baby several times to believe that most weren't even asleep.
• Our son's orphanage was quiet. I told my husband the silence in that room was the loudest sound I've ever heard.
• It is so hard to walk into an orphanage where there are hundreds of children and hear NOTHING!
• I have a video from my daughters orphanage...they showed the room, and you never would have thought there were babies in the cribs until they zoomed in.
• When we visited our second daughter's orphanage you could hear a pin drop. In the first room we went into it was silent except for the cries of a little boy who had just been abandoned and admitted to the [orphanage] who had yet to learn that no one would respond to his cries...I about lost it.

Picture from: www.growingyourbaby.com/2014/02/03/abandoned-babies-of-china-from-girls-to-sick-and-disabled/

• We adopted from Russia and the loudest sound I've I ever heard is the clock tick for so, so long while waiting to meet our daughter. There were 100 babies ages 0-3 in he orphanage and all I heard was the clock tick and an occasional pot and pan bang around from those preparing food.
• All the videos we got of our daughter it was completely silent in there. None of them talking or crying. The worst sound I've ever heard.
• This is my experience five times over. There was even minimal noise from the preschoolers (unprompted noise, I mean). ...In the orphanages it was almost totally silent.
• Only heard one baby cry while I was visiting my son's orphanage. That baby had been there less than a week. The others... some had ants crawling through their blankets (my son came covered in ant bites) and didn't make a peep. Saw one baby treated very roughly and didn't make a peep either. I could have so much more to say...
• I went to China this past summer and saw things in the "good" orphanages that I wish I could un-see. It was one of the most heart changing experiences of my life. Knowing those particular children are still there, in the exact same positions, make me question the actual future of humanity.

Not all reports were bad. Two parents shared that they saw lively and humane orphanages with nannies who would hold the baby when they were crying.  But this is the exception, sadly, not the norm.

The more I read and asked questions about silent orphanages the more my heart cried out against it.  Each child is precious. Deserving of love. I want to fight this silence with love.  Love that teaches us each child that when they cry they will be heard.  In the book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis she shares this:

“The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left.” (emphasis mine)

I will be that 8 percent. Will you?  Some of you already are.  You sponsor children through programs for them to stay with their families but have access to healthcare and education.  You foster children in your homes.  You financial support those adopting or fostering.  You adopt. There are many different ways to help.  I encourage you to find one.  We are not all called to adopt, but as Christians we are all called to do something.

You know, I looked it up in the Bible.  God not only hears the cries of His children, but He responds to them.  Here are just a few that I looked up.  Go read them. Hear God responding.

But Psalm 18:6-19 is currently my favorite.

"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears."

Then in verses 7-15 it tells of the power and anger of God toward evil and sin that is hurting the psalmist.  It might seem scary but it is a strong and powerfully beautiful picture of the Hero fighting for His beloved.  He hears the cries of His beloved and He is not passive.  He fights for His beloved.  Then verses 16-19 speaks to the rescue,

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted  me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delights in me."

This is also for you.  Do you cry out?  Let it be known that God hears you.  And not only does He hear you but He will fight for you!  He is coming, even now, He is on His way to rescue you.  Hold on, don't give up.

I cry out to God to tell our daughter the same thing.

Don't give up. Keep crying out.  Mama and Papa are coming.  We are coming and God is with you even now in the silence. 

 

Pressing In

From my Established in Grace blog post.

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Sometimes it's in the middle of the day. The deep ache for our daughter.  Sometimes I wake up with a prayer for her on my heart and I plead with God, knowing  He loves her more than I do, to be near her and bring her home to us soon.  I don't always know when it will come but it does come.  The ache and the longing.  But each time it presses me to pray.

I was texted with another adoptive mother and I said, "It is the waiting and the unknown that presses us more into God, isn't it? I can't bear the separation from our girl and so I press into God more and more."

It is like burying my head again my Father's shoulder.

I pull out my Bible and journal and I write. I pray the promises God has for her and for us.

John 14:18, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."

And I press deeper into Jesus. Deeper into God our Father.  Deeper into the Holy Spirit Comforter.

Luke 18:27, "[Jesus] replied, 'What is impossible with man is possible with God.'"

And I pray bolder, louder, persistently.  And I press into Him.  Savior, Father, Comforter.

We went to visit our dear friends in Massachusetts over our spring break and on Sabbath we took a beautiful walk in Ashley Reservoir.   It was a bit cold and for most of the walk our little boy, Edmund was happy.  Matthew carried him in the backpack-carrier for a while and then near the end he squirmed to get out and wanted me to hold him.

But he didn't just want to be held. He wanted to curl up tight against me. He wanted his legs tucked up tight against me and his head buried into my shoulder.

He needed me and I cuddled him up and held him close. I loved his little body curled up into me. I didn't mind his need for me, instead I felt love pour through me for him and our relationship that makes him feel safe with me.  His need for me was based on our relationship and him knowing that I would love him.

I didn't mind at all.

God doesn't mind at all. 

Do you find yourself aching?  The love in your heart hurting?  Press into God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  Open up the Word of God and see all the promises and love He has for you, and press deeper into Him.

Louder. Bolder.

From my Established in Grace blog

I've been spiritually wrestling again.  A recent phone call with our adoption agency was discouraging to me about wait times to be matched.  What frustrated me is that before that phone call I had been feeling full of faith and belief that God would match us soon.  That phone call sucker-punched me.  And I was frustrated that it did.

There is this story in the Bible that grabbed me back in February.  It is the story found in Luke 18: 35-43.

There is a beggar.  A blind beggar who hears a huge group of people passing and asks what is going on.  When he is told that Jesus of Nazareth is passing by he begins to cry out, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

The people passing by rebuke him.  Tell him to be quiet.

To me, this part is the part that arrests my soul: But he only shouted louder, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

I felt rebuked in my soul about my hope and belief that Jesus would hear my prayers to bring our daughter home very, miraculously soon.  I felt in my soul to "be quiet" and settle down.  No need to makes so much noise about it. But then I think of this story.  I think of all the promises and ways that God has already showed divine intervention.  And I press forward.  I shout louder, I pray bolder, I continue to be persistent.  Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!

The Bible says that when Jesus heard him, He stopped and had the man brought to Him.

If the blind man had not continued to shout boldly and loudly it is possible that Jesus would have passed by.  How much do I want Jesus to stop?  I know this is a tricky ground spiritually--because it is not what I do that makes Jesus listen to me, and yet it is.  The Bible has many, many examples of why we are to pray persistently and not give up.  And this is an example of that same thing in one of Jesus' miracles.

This is the other part of the story that really gets me: Jesus asks the man, "What do you want me to do for you?"

Jesus knew.  He had to know.  Even those in the crowd must have thought it was a crazy question--the man was blind, of course he wanted to see.  But...Jesus makes him ask specifically for what he wants.

The man says, "Lord, I want to see!"

Direct and to the point but bold.  Faith pushing aside any doubts and just, "Lord, I want to see!"  There isn't a wavering of faith, but bold faith.  When we pray for our daughter we have very specific things we pray for her.  We have laid them out before Jesus, specifically asking Him for those things.  We are praying them in faith.  It is scary to pray specific prayers. Why? Because there is risk involved. It's bold to say that I want my daughter to have excellent medical care and loving and competent caregivers.  It's bold to ask Him to bring her home to us soon.  But, it was also bold to ask Him to help us with our first fundraising project--and in a month and 10 days we had completed it!  A miracle!  Bold specific prayers are scary but they are also faith building both in the wait and the answers.

And Jesus speaks directly to that saying, "Receive your sight; your faith has healed you."

Doesn't that make your heart race?  Make your heart beat a little faster?  It does for me. Thrills my soul actually.

Faith heals.  My faith in God and my faith that He will answer these prayers we are praying for our daughter.

Is it too bold for me to type here that I can't wait for God to say, "Receive your daughter; your faith has brought her to you."

I think not.

And so, instead of giving into the rebuke and discouragement I have felt, I wrestle against it, crying out louder, "Jesus, have mercy on me! Jesus, have mercy on our daughter!"

We won't give up praying.  We won't be silent.  We will pray boldly and persistently specific prayers of faith.

What are you afraid to ask for in prayer?  Search God's Word, ask for direction in accordance with His Word, and then pray boldly what He give you to pray.  Pray in faith.  And don't give up though you might feel discouraged or rebuke.  Pray louder.  Pray more boldly.  Pray in faith.

And you know what is crazy about all this prayer and boldness in our own lives?  When God does move in our lives, and we praise God for it, it affects others to praise God.

The last words on this story in Luke say, "When all the people saw it, they also praised God."

So in your boldness, in your loud persistent and specific prayers you can increase the faith of others.  

That's why I'm choosing to be vulnerable and tell you about my specific prayer request for our daughter.  To tell you about our faith and our prayers.  Because it is my prayer that as you see God's hand move in our lives that you too would praise God and be encouraged to seek Him.

Persistent Cat and Prayer

From Established in Grace blog post

My cat, Hana, has this super annoying thing she does.  She pounds on doors to get what/where she wants.  In the day, it is annoying and sometimes I ignore her for a while, but eventually I give in and get up or go over to where she is and open the door she desires to go into. If she is where carpet is, and the pounding is not working then she takes her little kitty claws and tears up the carpet with a sound that is like nails on a chalk board to me. Between the door pounding and carpet tears she is pretty persistent and gets her way.

Especially at night.

Seriously.  There is not one part of me that wants to get up and open a door for her at night but she won't give up.  And as a parent, what really makes me get up is that I am afraid that if she is not quiet she will wake up our toddler.  And seriously--seriously--who wants to deal with a crying toddler because the cat woke him up?  Not me.  So I will drag myself out of bed open doors.

I have been learning a lot about prayer recently.  In very practical ways that I hadn't before. 

 Many of you have heard the parable that Jesus told about in Luke 11:5-10.

Here is the setting.  The family is all in bed.  Snuggled in, warm and asleep.

Then at midnight. Midnight. A friend comes knocking.  Asking for bread for a friend who is on a journey.

The man in the house says what we all would say.  Go away.  I am in bed with my family. I cannot help you.

But the man is persistent.  Keeps knocking.  At midnight.  If I was the man I would be thinking about my family and how I don't want to have this friend knocking and knocking and wake them up.  The Bible says that the man gives his friend the bread, not because they are friends, but because the friend's importunity.

The word importunity comes from importunate.  Importunate means: persistent, especially to the point of annoyance or intrusion.

Then Jesus ties that parable into a famous quote: "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

Persistent prayer.

This story reminds me of my cat.  I do love her, but it's not because I love her that I get up at midnight to open doors.  I get up because she is persistent and won't give up.

How often do I pray things and then just let it go?  A lot.  I have called it faith.  Praying and then trusting God.  But what if God is really asking for prayer to be faith filled to ask and ask and ask? Always believing? I am learning to pray differently.  And honestly it is because some really hard things have happened.  Things that make me realize that now is the time to fight spiritually and that prayer is a sword of faith.

I want to share bits of my prayer journey here because it is tied directly to our daughter we are adopting.

We have been praying about our dossier.  Praying for the documents to get here to us, and to China.  The dossier could not arrive in China before I was thirty (which was on 2/20 a Sabbath).  Our dossier was mailed to China on 2/19.  China received the dossier 2/23.  That timing is incredible.  I don't believe that it just happened like that.  I believe that it is because of our prayers.  God had it leave the USA the soonest it could have without risking it get there before my 30th birthday.  And it got there the Monday after I turned thirty.  That was the soonest China could have received it. On 2/25 we were logged-in.  The emails from our adoption agency said that being logged into the system could take around 2 weeks.  God did it in a few days.  Chance? No.  Persistent prayer?  Yes.

I want to be honest.  It is scary for me to boldly proclaim this to you.  Why?  Because I know that I have so much to grow in my knowledge of prayer.  And because there have been times in my life where I have prayed persistently and the answer has been not what I wanted to hear.  But I feel that God is calling me to walk this path. To ask, seek, and knock over and over and over.  Not giving up.  Not when I am tired at midnight, or worn out from asking, or afraid.  But to ask full of faith and belief.

I want you to join me in this persistent prayer journey.

What are areas of your life that you want radical change?  What are areas that you want to see the power of God working?  He doesn't promise things to be quickly resolved but for you to knock, knock, knock...

Keep knocking and seeking and asking.  He will answer.  Everyone who asks receives.  The one who seeks finds.  The one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Those aren't my words--they are Jesus' and He is true and faithful.

Just happened to?

Some of my family was gathering to celebrate my 30th birthday (a little early) on Friday, Febrary 19th, when my phone lit up with an email from CCAI saying that were were DTC!  Dossier To China!  

I had commented in an adoption Facebook group that when we were DTC I would throw a party, but instead one was being thrown for me! Such timing is stunning.  What is more is that they could not have sent it a day sooner.  If they sent it earlier it possibly could have arrived before I was 30 and China would not have taken it.  So this was the soonest it could go out, and it also just happened to be perfect timing with how things naturally went.

Monday, February 22 I got an email that afternoon saying that our dossier had arrived at the Chinese Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA)!  I was so thankful because I felt like I had been praying it across the ocean to arrive safely.  I was surprised at how quickly it had arrived.  It arrived at the soonest it could have possibly arrived after my 30th.  It couldn't have come Friday when the office was open because I would be 29.  The soonest it could arrive was the 22nd, and it just happened to be perfect timing.

Wednesday, February 24th in the evening we got an email that we had our logged in date (LID).  Three days!  In an email we got from CCAI, our adoption agency, it said that it could take about 2 weeks.  

I don't feel that these dates "...just happened to..." be on exactly the right or soonest dates that they could be with me turning 30.  

I don't think it is a coincidence.  I believe that is is God's hand working.

Matthew and I pray every night for our little girl.  We also pray for the process, our dossier, the grants, and fundraising.  We know that we need His help in each and every step.

I believe that the dossier and the timing and speed of it was a direct answer to prayer.  The prayer of Matthew and I and all of you who are petitioning God on our behalf to bring our little girl home very, very, miraculously soon.

I also don't think it is a coincidence that our red envelope fundraiser that began with 150 envelopes is now down to 3 in just a little over a month since we began!  Three!  God moved in a powerful way through so many of you.  Whether it was $2 or $500 you are a direct link to helping bring our daughter home and we can't thank you enough.  Thank you for being a direct answer to our prayers for our fundraising.  

God is answering our prayers.

I have written in my journal that I believe God is moving quickly with the dossier, and the fundraising because He is going to bring our girl home very, very soon.  He alone knows who she is and when we will get her.  

I am boldly and persistently praying.  And it gives me joy and faith that you are praying boldly and persistently with us.  

Thank you.  

I wrote this blog on Established in Grace but wanted to share it here too.

Turning 30: Joy and Celebration

I was laying in bed thinking about this blog.  Thinking about turning thirty and how my heart thrills and races at the thought of my upcoming birthday.  And it struck me that Jesus started something huge when He was thirty too.  He began His public ministry.

We are adopting from China and the Chinese government won’t let you adopt until both adoptive parents are 30.  I turn 30 on Sabbath, February 20th.  Six months before you turn 30 you are allowed to begin working on your dossier because it takes about that long to get it ready and then when you are 30 all the documents get sent to China and you get logged into their system.  Last week we sent our dossier to our adoption agency!  Yesterday we just got the email that it passed the critical review and everything looks perfect for the Chinese government.  Now it has been sent to be translated and then it will be all bound together and sent to China!  Then we wait to be matched with our daughter.

I can’t wait until my birthday. I don’t remember ever feeling this way about a birthday.  Even now as I type this adrenaline pumps through my veins.  I. am. so. excited!  I will officially be allowed to claim our daughter and officially allowed to hold her in my arms and love her and call her my own, and bring her home.  I can officially work on bonding and attachment and nurturing her body and soul.

Is that how Jesus felt when He started His public ministry? It wasn’t that He did love us from heaven, or didn’t love people while He was on earth for all those years before He began His public ministry.  Did Jesus have adrenaline pumping through His veins as He walked toward John the Baptist?  So excited because He was about to began His official ministry.  He would officially be able to heal publicly, hold the sick and dying, bless the children as He held them.  He would officially be able to weep for Jerusalem as He longed to gather all under His protection of love.  He officially could teach the masses and nurture their bodies and souls.

I never thought about how Jesus could have been excited.  I view it as solemn thing, His beginning His ministry.  And it was!  It was more vast and huge than I can comprehend and the serious gravity that was on Jesus’ shoulders was solemn and holy.  Yet…His love for us propelled His actions.  And now, I feel that even in the heaviness of His mission that His joy and love for us was greater.

I know that bringing our daughter home won’t be easy.  I realize that there will be very hard times ahead.  Medically, emotionally, socially…and a host of other things.  But you know what?  As much as I am preparing and praying for those things–that doesn’t diminish the absolute joy and celebration I feel about turning 30 and officially being able to be her mama.

As much as Jesus prayed and fought the darkness of evil for us–that didn’t diminish the absolute joy and celebration I feel that He must have had as He turned 30 and began His public ministry.  He knew that as He did this journey He would officially be able to refute all of satan’s claims against God and forever open the pathway for us to be eternally with Him as sons and daughters of the living God.

Do you feel His joy over you?  I do.

May you too, see not just the sacrifices Jesus gave but that He gave them with so much joy and celebration because He loves you.

Dossier and Fundraising Updates

We wanted to update you on more wonderful progress with our adoption!

We received our dossier documents back on February 4th from the Chinese Consulate.


All our documents were now notarized, certified, and authenticated!

February 5th we mailed these precious documents to CCAI, our adoption agency.  I put on social media the above picture with these words, "How can this little stack of papers mean so much? So much time, money, energy...love, longing, prayers. So much."

February 8th we received an email that they had received our dossier.  February 10th we received an email saying that we had all the documents in and that is was now going to go through a critical review process to make sure everything was perfect for China.  February 17th we got an email that our dossier's critical review was completed and that everything looked wonderful!  I am so thankful to God because while we have worked hard and prayed over these documents we had no way of knowing 100% if everything was okay.  Currently the dossier is in translation and they said will be mailed to China within a few days!!  The dossier could be there right after my birthday (Feb. 20th) if they got it mailed out this week!!

We have been doing our Red Envelopes for Yín fundraiser for over a month now and we are so amazingly blessed to have only 34 envelopes left!  If you feel led to, it would mean a lot if you could take one of the remaining envelopes.  If the amounts are too high, team up with a friend or two.  God is providing through people like you!  Thank you.

Here are a few pictures of the fundraising.

One donor commented that the number of envelopes were the same as the number of Psalms and wanted to do the envelope that matched a favorite Psalm.



A former student sending money for a red envelope.



Just one example of the moving cards we have received.



Two of our former students sent their whole allowance (and got mom to chip in) to help bring our girl home!



Check memos:



We have been so blessed.  Thank you to everyone who had donated.  Thank you!