Pressing In

From my Established in Grace blog post.

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Sometimes it's in the middle of the day. The deep ache for our daughter.  Sometimes I wake up with a prayer for her on my heart and I plead with God, knowing  He loves her more than I do, to be near her and bring her home to us soon.  I don't always know when it will come but it does come.  The ache and the longing.  But each time it presses me to pray.

I was texted with another adoptive mother and I said, "It is the waiting and the unknown that presses us more into God, isn't it? I can't bear the separation from our girl and so I press into God more and more."

It is like burying my head again my Father's shoulder.

I pull out my Bible and journal and I write. I pray the promises God has for her and for us.

John 14:18, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."

And I press deeper into Jesus. Deeper into God our Father.  Deeper into the Holy Spirit Comforter.

Luke 18:27, "[Jesus] replied, 'What is impossible with man is possible with God.'"

And I pray bolder, louder, persistently.  And I press into Him.  Savior, Father, Comforter.

We went to visit our dear friends in Massachusetts over our spring break and on Sabbath we took a beautiful walk in Ashley Reservoir.   It was a bit cold and for most of the walk our little boy, Edmund was happy.  Matthew carried him in the backpack-carrier for a while and then near the end he squirmed to get out and wanted me to hold him.

But he didn't just want to be held. He wanted to curl up tight against me. He wanted his legs tucked up tight against me and his head buried into my shoulder.

He needed me and I cuddled him up and held him close. I loved his little body curled up into me. I didn't mind his need for me, instead I felt love pour through me for him and our relationship that makes him feel safe with me.  His need for me was based on our relationship and him knowing that I would love him.

I didn't mind at all.

God doesn't mind at all. 

Do you find yourself aching?  The love in your heart hurting?  Press into God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  Open up the Word of God and see all the promises and love He has for you, and press deeper into Him.

Louder. Bolder.

From my Established in Grace blog

I've been spiritually wrestling again.  A recent phone call with our adoption agency was discouraging to me about wait times to be matched.  What frustrated me is that before that phone call I had been feeling full of faith and belief that God would match us soon.  That phone call sucker-punched me.  And I was frustrated that it did.

There is this story in the Bible that grabbed me back in February.  It is the story found in Luke 18: 35-43.

There is a beggar.  A blind beggar who hears a huge group of people passing and asks what is going on.  When he is told that Jesus of Nazareth is passing by he begins to cry out, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

The people passing by rebuke him.  Tell him to be quiet.

To me, this part is the part that arrests my soul: But he only shouted louder, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

I felt rebuked in my soul about my hope and belief that Jesus would hear my prayers to bring our daughter home very, miraculously soon.  I felt in my soul to "be quiet" and settle down.  No need to makes so much noise about it. But then I think of this story.  I think of all the promises and ways that God has already showed divine intervention.  And I press forward.  I shout louder, I pray bolder, I continue to be persistent.  Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!

The Bible says that when Jesus heard him, He stopped and had the man brought to Him.

If the blind man had not continued to shout boldly and loudly it is possible that Jesus would have passed by.  How much do I want Jesus to stop?  I know this is a tricky ground spiritually--because it is not what I do that makes Jesus listen to me, and yet it is.  The Bible has many, many examples of why we are to pray persistently and not give up.  And this is an example of that same thing in one of Jesus' miracles.

This is the other part of the story that really gets me: Jesus asks the man, "What do you want me to do for you?"

Jesus knew.  He had to know.  Even those in the crowd must have thought it was a crazy question--the man was blind, of course he wanted to see.  But...Jesus makes him ask specifically for what he wants.

The man says, "Lord, I want to see!"

Direct and to the point but bold.  Faith pushing aside any doubts and just, "Lord, I want to see!"  There isn't a wavering of faith, but bold faith.  When we pray for our daughter we have very specific things we pray for her.  We have laid them out before Jesus, specifically asking Him for those things.  We are praying them in faith.  It is scary to pray specific prayers. Why? Because there is risk involved. It's bold to say that I want my daughter to have excellent medical care and loving and competent caregivers.  It's bold to ask Him to bring her home to us soon.  But, it was also bold to ask Him to help us with our first fundraising project--and in a month and 10 days we had completed it!  A miracle!  Bold specific prayers are scary but they are also faith building both in the wait and the answers.

And Jesus speaks directly to that saying, "Receive your sight; your faith has healed you."

Doesn't that make your heart race?  Make your heart beat a little faster?  It does for me. Thrills my soul actually.

Faith heals.  My faith in God and my faith that He will answer these prayers we are praying for our daughter.

Is it too bold for me to type here that I can't wait for God to say, "Receive your daughter; your faith has brought her to you."

I think not.

And so, instead of giving into the rebuke and discouragement I have felt, I wrestle against it, crying out louder, "Jesus, have mercy on me! Jesus, have mercy on our daughter!"

We won't give up praying.  We won't be silent.  We will pray boldly and persistently specific prayers of faith.

What are you afraid to ask for in prayer?  Search God's Word, ask for direction in accordance with His Word, and then pray boldly what He give you to pray.  Pray in faith.  And don't give up though you might feel discouraged or rebuke.  Pray louder.  Pray more boldly.  Pray in faith.

And you know what is crazy about all this prayer and boldness in our own lives?  When God does move in our lives, and we praise God for it, it affects others to praise God.

The last words on this story in Luke say, "When all the people saw it, they also praised God."

So in your boldness, in your loud persistent and specific prayers you can increase the faith of others.  

That's why I'm choosing to be vulnerable and tell you about my specific prayer request for our daughter.  To tell you about our faith and our prayers.  Because it is my prayer that as you see God's hand move in our lives that you too would praise God and be encouraged to seek Him.

Persistent Cat and Prayer

From Established in Grace blog post

My cat, Hana, has this super annoying thing she does.  She pounds on doors to get what/where she wants.  In the day, it is annoying and sometimes I ignore her for a while, but eventually I give in and get up or go over to where she is and open the door she desires to go into. If she is where carpet is, and the pounding is not working then she takes her little kitty claws and tears up the carpet with a sound that is like nails on a chalk board to me. Between the door pounding and carpet tears she is pretty persistent and gets her way.

Especially at night.

Seriously.  There is not one part of me that wants to get up and open a door for her at night but she won't give up.  And as a parent, what really makes me get up is that I am afraid that if she is not quiet she will wake up our toddler.  And seriously--seriously--who wants to deal with a crying toddler because the cat woke him up?  Not me.  So I will drag myself out of bed open doors.

I have been learning a lot about prayer recently.  In very practical ways that I hadn't before. 

 Many of you have heard the parable that Jesus told about in Luke 11:5-10.

Here is the setting.  The family is all in bed.  Snuggled in, warm and asleep.

Then at midnight. Midnight. A friend comes knocking.  Asking for bread for a friend who is on a journey.

The man in the house says what we all would say.  Go away.  I am in bed with my family. I cannot help you.

But the man is persistent.  Keeps knocking.  At midnight.  If I was the man I would be thinking about my family and how I don't want to have this friend knocking and knocking and wake them up.  The Bible says that the man gives his friend the bread, not because they are friends, but because the friend's importunity.

The word importunity comes from importunate.  Importunate means: persistent, especially to the point of annoyance or intrusion.

Then Jesus ties that parable into a famous quote: "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

Persistent prayer.

This story reminds me of my cat.  I do love her, but it's not because I love her that I get up at midnight to open doors.  I get up because she is persistent and won't give up.

How often do I pray things and then just let it go?  A lot.  I have called it faith.  Praying and then trusting God.  But what if God is really asking for prayer to be faith filled to ask and ask and ask? Always believing? I am learning to pray differently.  And honestly it is because some really hard things have happened.  Things that make me realize that now is the time to fight spiritually and that prayer is a sword of faith.

I want to share bits of my prayer journey here because it is tied directly to our daughter we are adopting.

We have been praying about our dossier.  Praying for the documents to get here to us, and to China.  The dossier could not arrive in China before I was thirty (which was on 2/20 a Sabbath).  Our dossier was mailed to China on 2/19.  China received the dossier 2/23.  That timing is incredible.  I don't believe that it just happened like that.  I believe that it is because of our prayers.  God had it leave the USA the soonest it could have without risking it get there before my 30th birthday.  And it got there the Monday after I turned thirty.  That was the soonest China could have received it. On 2/25 we were logged-in.  The emails from our adoption agency said that being logged into the system could take around 2 weeks.  God did it in a few days.  Chance? No.  Persistent prayer?  Yes.

I want to be honest.  It is scary for me to boldly proclaim this to you.  Why?  Because I know that I have so much to grow in my knowledge of prayer.  And because there have been times in my life where I have prayed persistently and the answer has been not what I wanted to hear.  But I feel that God is calling me to walk this path. To ask, seek, and knock over and over and over.  Not giving up.  Not when I am tired at midnight, or worn out from asking, or afraid.  But to ask full of faith and belief.

I want you to join me in this persistent prayer journey.

What are areas of your life that you want radical change?  What are areas that you want to see the power of God working?  He doesn't promise things to be quickly resolved but for you to knock, knock, knock...

Keep knocking and seeking and asking.  He will answer.  Everyone who asks receives.  The one who seeks finds.  The one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Those aren't my words--they are Jesus' and He is true and faithful.